Friday, March 4, 2011

The First Meal and the Worst Legwarmers EVER!

As recovery continued, and the anesthesia began to wear off, I was beginning to become more conscious than not (although, let's be honest, the conscious bits weren't really totally self aware moments).  One of the nurses showed me how to use the bed remote control with that lovely red button that would call someone to my room right away (oh I miss that button now!!)  I made sure to have my laptop and cell charger all set up before my family left (I mean really, you all didn't think I'd actually be mindlessly "resting" did you!?!?), so as the nurse started to explain how just one push of a button controls the tv, I looked at her, indicated towards my pile of technology on the table, and said, "Yeah, I think I've got this one."  She chuckled and left me to it.  I was given the land line (yes, a land line. corded.  with actual lit buttons.), and a menu and told to order whatever I wanted. Well of course after the wonders and joy of the GoLytley, my brain was saying it was time for some foodage, but the narcotics kept any actual appetite away.  After spending the better part of an hour staring at the menu, trying to decide what to order (yes, a medicated Grace, is an easily distractable and ADD Grace.) I decided on the fruit/cheese plate and the fish n chips, as the nurse said to get whatever I want.  When the food arrived, it smelling divine, and I made some attempts to begin eating, but it's really hard to do when one arm has an IV, the other an O2 monitor, plus the nc up my nose.  As I'm meandering through the meal, one of the nurses comes in, and says I might have a hard time w/ the food I ordered because of upset stomach.  Now mind you, this was the same nurse who said I could have anything I wanted.  Umm....HELLO!?!?  I would have just gotten a salad if that was the case! After being told that, my joy at the fish and chips dwindled at the prospect of possible vomiting which generally involves the use of abdominal muscles, which at that time I was pretty sure would hurt like the devil if I even attempted to engaged them. In the end, my iron stomach held up just fine, but I still only managed about half of the meal, which was surprisingly good for hospital food.

Now to my legwarmers.  Two of the main concerns post-op are the development of pneumonia and blood clots.  Given the profound lack of mobility from all the monitors, surgery & meds, medical science has devised a device that may or may not violate the geneva conventions on cruel & unusual punishments.  It consists of electronically inflating fleece wraps that go around your calves.  First one inflates (like a blood pressure cuff), then deflates, followed a minute or so later by the other one.  Now, the "theory" is that they keep clots from forming, but really I think it's to overheat patients and generally irritate us.  The most wonderful part - unless we're actually walking, the legwarmers stay on.  24-7.  I'm secretly convinced that these vile devices are used to motivate patients to get up and walking as quickly as possible.  On one of the vitals checks, I told the CNA that I was feeling really hot.  She responds with, "Oh, you're having hot flashes."  Umm no, heifer, it's not hot flashes, I'm BAKING!  So we did some investigating.  Not only did I have two thermal blankets, a sheet, and my fleece leg warmers, but the room temp was set to 75.  Seriously, I think a hot yoga session is cooler than I was.  She chuckled and started removing my eskimo layers and set the room temp down to 65.  I still felt hot, but damn it was a hell of a lot betterer!

Coming soon.....the Catheter Tales...

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