I want off!!!!
Physically, I'm still feeling great - tons of energy, boobs haven't fallen, no bald spots, haven't developed a dowager hump....but the hormone swings are INSANE! Since the surgery, they've mostly gone away, with just the odd mild flushing now and again. But this week....holy crap! Imagine your worst pms EVER: bloaty, cranky, eating everything in sight....now add near constant severe hot flashes. Twenty four seven. Plus my job requires that I be polite and professional. My tongue biting skills have been put to the test this week! LOL! Then today - poof, nearly normal again. The human body will ALWAYS mystify me!
On a different note, as you all know, the whole sterile/infertile thing has been a pretty rough blow. The full acceptance is coming, slowly but surely, and I've reached a point where I don't start crying after I see every baby or toddler. Sometimes, though, it just hits me out of the blue. Like yesterday on the bus was a little boy (maybe 18mo?), who I suspect has some kind of cancer, given the lack of hair and eyebrows. The whole ride, I was able to just enjoy watching him wiggle around his mom's lap. Then a girl (who's mixed like me) got on with a little girl (maybe 2 1/2?) and I gave her my seat (the super late bus was uber crowded). I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, and almost started crying. But I will say that the emotional hit wasn't nearly has intense as it was just a few weeks ago. I know time heals all wounds, and I'm thankful that this one isn't the festering open gash it was after my diagnosis.
I guess with this new knowledge of where my headspace is at, I should let you all know that I've decided to adopt a foster child. For those of you that visited me in the hospital, I might have mentioned it in my lovely narcotic haze, but I'm sure none of you took it seriously. But I guess subconsciously I knew it was my plan, but hadn't really let myself in on it yet. This week I got in touch with DSHS and now have a mentor/contact to help me through the process. Now don't go all getting your panties in a bunch, I'm not planning to get a child imminently, I'm just planning ahead, finding out what I need to do, and hopefully around the end of the year/beginning of next year I'll be in a place to bring a new little one home, and realize my dream of being a mommy.
So, other than that, it was just another week of work....
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